How can you get her to stop nagging on you?!
First off, I’ll burst the bubble right away and let you know that it’s not her, it’s you. I know that’s hard to take. You’re probably saying, “Dude, you’re an idiot. You have no idea. She’s so annoying and just a b**ch sometimes!” Don't get all devensive just yet, give me a minute to make all of the connections here.
I get it, she probably is…now. Was she so annoying and bitchy when you met her? Did she ‘nag’ you during the first few months over such “dumb” things as she does now?
I doubt it. If so….well you made your bed, it’s time to sleep in it or get a new one.
However; for the majority of you reading this right now, where did it all go wrong?
You’ve probably banged your head against the wall wondering, “When did she change? Who is she! I don’t even know this woman anymore.”
Things changed when YOU changed. Or you simply never became the person that she expected of you.
It’s that simple.
But often times, us men, love pointing the finger and placing all of the blame towards her. “Man, she bitches about the dumbest things! She’ll pick a fight for no reason. She blames and accuses me of false crap all of the time. I can never just go and do my thing without feeling guilty or like I’m in ‘the dog house’ for doing so.
It’s not what you are doing NOW, or the “smallest” thing you’re DOING. That is NOT what she’s reacting and responding to. It’s everything that you haven’t DONE. It’s everything that you are no longer DOING. Your neglect, your lack of appreciation, your lack of acknowledgement, your lack of adornment, your lack of communication, your lack of love are the REAL reasons for her “unexplainable” new attitude towards you.
Let’s talk about some real tangible things and real life examples.
When you first started dating ….you sent her flowers even when it wasn't her birthday, Valentines day or you messed up.
Flowers that I had sent to my girlfriend's work, for no reason other than to make her smile and know that I appreciated our time together.
When you first started dating….you sent her sweet little text messages throughout the day, just to make her smile and know that you were think about her.
When you first started dating….you took her on real DATES. You know, where you put some thought into it, planed it and all you cared about was making her feel special and spending the time with her, and ONLY her.
When you first started dating… you sent her cards for no reason at all. Not because it was her birthday, Valentines Day, mother’s day, or because you messed up….no, you did so because you wanted to surprise her, to make her smile and feel special once again.
Or did you ever do this? If so, that’s your issue. Clear and dry. That’s it. Start doing it!
For the rest of you, that did in fact do those things….
Somewhere along the way you began to stop. You started taking her love for granted. You started taking HER for granted. You no longer felt the need to do these “little” things anymore.
I’m sure you didn’t stop all at once, but they started to fad. When they were fading, things were still ‘ok’ because she was giving you an out, she was coming up with excuses FOR YOU. “Well, he’s under a lot right now. He maybe just forgot. He’s had a tough day.” But then the fad turns to black. She no longer is making excuses for you, she’s now testing you and lashing out. She’s testing you to see if you really do love her. She’s wondering if all of those things at the beginning were some sort of mirage. A play to win her over.
So how does she test you?
By throwing what you call, “tantrums.”
By nagging.
By pouting.
By accusing and blaming you of not loving her, never appreciating things, you always go with your friends…..it’s endless.
She’s doing so for one reason…to test your love. To see if you can penetrate through her wall and her emotions with your masculine energy and love… To prove that you do in fact love her. That you do in fact appreciate her.
That you will stand by her.
To prove that you’re NOT a fake.
That your love is NOT conditional.
That you can love her through the “test.”
That’s why she’s “bitching, nagging, blaming and interrogating.”
It’s not because you left your dirty cloths all over the place….It IS because 2 weeks ago when you had the chance to go on a date night with her, you chose a night out with your buddies.
It’s not because you’re watching an episode of your favorite TV series. It’s because when she met you, you seemed to have so much drive, ambition and determination to create an extraordinary life (or at least she envisioned you eventually doing so) and now all you’re doing is what you have to. You go to work, pay the bills and then you just lounge around, drink a beer and watch TV when you get home. She wants to know that you’re on a MISSION, that you’re chasing your dreams, that you’re a man that’s going to provide and prosper. She’s attracted to passion and you no longer show any sort of passion towards anything other than your favorite football team. You’re going through the motions in life, like the other 98% of men, but she thought you were different, and now all of a sudden she’s seeing that you may not be…..
It’s not because you took a glance at the beautiful women who walked by during dinner. It’s because you’ve failed to acknowledge how beautiful she looks tonight, or more accurately you haven’t told her in months!
It’s not because you watch football all Sunday long…..it’s because the last 6 months you’ve never sent her a simple text saying, “I love you” just so she know that’s you’re thinking about her. And it seems like when you have ‘time’ you’re giving your attention everywhere but towards her.
The actual THING that she seems to “blow up about” is NOT THE ACTUAL REASON. If you can realize and recognize this FACT, you have power – the power to change and get your relationship/wife/love of your life back to “who she was, and the way it was.”
If you want things to change, if you want things to be ‘the way they were’, if you want her to stop “bitching” all the time, if you want her to let you do the things you love without having the feeling of guilt…..
CHANGE YOURSELF!
It’s time for you to:
Leave her a hand written card for no reason other then because you want to make her smile.
Surprised my girlfriend with a cooked dinner, wine and a card with a note inside.
Leave work early (again it takes effort, that's what matters the most) grab a bottle of wine, pick out a movie at the Red Box, pick up a card, write in it, and have dinner waiting for her with candles lit when she gets home.
Plan a date night surprise. Get creative and have fun. What matters is a little bit of thought or planning if you want it to be one of those times where it becomes a special memory for her.
Surprise her at work for lunch.
Give her tix to an event she loves with an extra ticket for HER friend.
When you get home from work, ravish her, kiss her forehead, grab her hips and thrust yourself onto her while you tell her that you love her and then kiss her with passion, real fucking passion!
Knowledge is power. Now that you know it’s not WHAT YOU ARE DOING NOW, but rather it’s what you ARE NOT DOING and HAVEN’T been doing, you have power to change.
Do you want a passionate, exciting, caring, giving, loving, intimate, sex-every-day kind of relationship?
You hold the key. Use it!
It’s time that we stop blaming, pointing and accusing her of all the wrong doings. It’s time that we step forward as a man and take on some responsibility and view it as our duty and obligation to correct the course and win her back with our ACTIONS.
So how can you start?
Try a few of the following suggestions over the next week or two and see how things go. If you’re unwilling to take some of these actions, you’re just giving into the ego and pride that we feel is so precious.
But are you ready to create a passionate, intimate, exciting, loving and fun relationship again?
Things you can do to make her crazy in love with you (again):
- Send her a simple text or a funny meme (picture with a quote) with one objective: to make her smile.
- Have a date night planned out. Have a note when she walks into the door saying, “Put on something nice, I’m taking you out. Don’t worry about a thing.” (or a few days prior find out what her favorite dress is/or one that you’ve told her is your favorite, have it laying on the bed with a note saying, “Put this on, you look incredible in it. I’m taking you out on a date. Don’t worry about a thing.” For the date, put a little bit of thought into it. Don’t just take her to the local Olive Garden. It also doesn’t have to be at a 4 seasons or coast much of anything in terms of money. All that matters is that she knows you’ve put a little bit of thought and effort into it.
- Surprise her at work one day and take her out for lunch. You may hear yourself saying, “That’s impossible with your job or her job would never allow it…..my friend, that’s the point. If in anyway, you can make it happen she will know that you’re not doing it just because it’s convenient for you, you’re doing it because you love her and you made a sacrifice to do so.
- If you’re going to be gone for a day, before you leave, slip a hand written note or card under her pillow or set up a bottle of wine, long stem rose, a movie that you rented (preferably one with thought behind it…her favorite or a chick flick) and a written note saying something like, “I know that work can be stressful for you, so I hope you can take the time to sit down tonight relax, enjoy some wine and watch a movie. I love you.” Again, you may be hearing multiple excuses and reasons in your head as to how and why this is impossible for you to do. That’s the problem, and she knows it, you’ll never do anything that requires a little bit of effort, thought or sacrifice for her and that’s where the nagging, complaining, and accusing stems from. It’s time to put in the work!
- The options are endless…you just have to care, you have to want to make her smile, you have to want to make her feel special, you have to want to make her laugh, you have to want to make her feel loved. If you want all of that, all it takes is some thought and effort on your part to make it a reality for her and create the desirable relationship you both want and deserve.
I was leaving for a few days so before I left, I set this out with a note directing her to it. The Flaming Hots are one of her favorites. It's the thought behind it, that's all. Do this one time; replace with her favorite "treat" and make sure to write a hand written and thoughtful note in the card!
Gentlemen, all it really takes is some thought and effort on your part. That’s all she really wants. She wants to know that you care, that you appreciate her, and that you love her.
The problem is that you may be SAYING all of these things. “Babe! I love you, I appreciate you, I care about you, I adore you, I think you’re beautiful, I sacrifice for you, I put in effort!”
But you’re not SHOWING her. It’s your actions. It’s your lack of effort, thought and sacrifice over an EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME, not this very moment.
Hold on here ladies! You’re not out of the clear. You may be shaking your head saying, “Yes! Yes! Yes! See, it’s him. Finally, someone that understands!”
It takes BOTH to create a healthy, passionate and intimate relationship and it takes BOTH to create a toxic, argumentative and resentful relationship. And if you don’t believe that you play a part in the problem, that is the real issue at hand.
So in my next article I’ll share the male’s perspective and why he’s “all of a sudden” become this “Distant, cold, unthoughtful, moody jerk.”
Stay tuned…
If you enjoyed this article, please do share, as I think it could benefit many relationships out there.
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Think Different - Live Different
Brian Larson