Here I was, on my own path. I left a secure job and embarked on an entrepreneurial journey. I was in the driver’s seat and I held the wheel to my future success and/or failure. This was a liberating feeling to say the least. It’s what I wanted. It’s what I had envisioned over the years.
I was out on my own. I started a personal training business with a grand vision. A vision to establish a brand and business that would run on systems, which would enable me to step away from the day-to-day operations….meaning that my revenue was NOT dependent on my presence. I figured this as my best option to create the lifestyle I envisioned.
the things that were important to me:
Not trading my time for money
Freedom for creative expression and align that with value to the market place
Being 100% in the driver’s seat; complete control over my success and/or failure.
Not being dependent on my daily presence to earn revenue
Ability to work from anywhere at any time; location freedom
Financial freedom with no ‘cap’.
No limitations
Ability to set my own hours; never HAVING to consistently be somewhere
So that’s what I was doing. I spent the next year+ creating a formal business plan to open my own private performance training gym. This was a tedious and long process, but one heck of a learning process.
I completed that business plan and everything was in place, ready to rock. Financing in place and the lease contract for the facility had been written up.
Then one day everything changed in my life. My 6 year relationship with my girlfriend suddenly ended.
The one thing in my personal life that had been so familiar and so comfortable had been swiped right away, gone. The blanket of comfort that I relied on had been burned away.
I was left with myself, the biggest unknown.
I was suddenly forced to confront the following questions:
“Who am I?”
“What do I really want?”
“Is this really what I want?”
“Where do I want to be?”
“Will I be alone forever?”
“Why is this happening to me?”
All questions that I had been neglecting and the relationship and business planning enabled me to do so.
I went through the traditional initial stages of emotions. Anger, hate, confusion, fear, anxiety, panic and then the begging and pleading. At the time I had thought my entire world was taken from me. And that’s the issue. I had identified with that relationship so much I felt like a part of “I” had been taken from me which led to the extreme self-induced suffering.
Even though deep inside I felt doubt and uncertainty about the relationship; however, the alternative was the unknown, the unfamiliar which was risky, dangerous and scary. It took no courage to stick with what I knew (staying in the relationship). It took no courage to stay in that comfy seat of the known and the familiar.
In reality nothing had been taken from me, although my ego felt like a part of it had been stripped away, which caused a tremendous amount of self-induced pain and the adaptation of a victimized identity.
And the begging, pleading and praying for the relationship to be put back together……I wasn’t actually begging for the person or relationship. If I’m being honest with myself, what I was begging and pleading for was the comfy chair of the known and the familiar. I wanted that comfy chair back. Because here I was facing the unknown, the darkness and it terrified me. At the present time I was oblivious to this. I thought I had been heart-broken.
No, No Brian. What really happened was your comfy chair had been burned to the ground, never to be sat on again!
All of the business planning was now into question as well. Was this really for me? Or was it for the relationship and the perceived future of that relationship? Was this really what I wanted? It seems as if one of the most difficult questions to answer is: "What do I want? We neglect this question by remaining distracted. Distracted by remaining in a job we dislike, a relationship we know is not right or simply following the standardized cultural norms (those things we do simply because "it's what we are suppose to do next in life"). All of this allows us to never come face-to-face with that dreadful question.
So I suddenly felt like I had trapped myself into a life situation that I was no longer certain of. In reality I had no idea where I wanted to live, but here I was, just about to commit to laying down a ‘brick and mortor’ business that would essentially lock me into a location for 5-10 years minimum. I knew I was uncertain of this but I felt I had no other option. When I knew I would be sharing this plan and life with my ‘comfy chair’ it was bearable, but now that the chair was gone and it became 100% about what I wanted…….I felt lost, trapped, confused, doubt and fear.
What had I gotten myself into? How was I going change? Where do I even start? What do I do?
I knew the negative feelings and thoughts I had, but I have no idea how to change, where to start or what to do!!???
Little did I know, this was the very beginning of my path to breaking free and entering my personal transformation journey.
Lessons in this story.
*Understand your fears. What’s really causing them? What’s the story you are telling yourself? Because we absolutely DO create a story. Is that story serving us or serving a victim mentality?
*It’s never easy to walk into the unknown, the unfamiliar. And it takes absolutely no courage to stay in the confines of the known, the familiar, the comfy chair.
* When you’re forced into the unknown, your mind will fight like hell to get the comfy chair back and it will do everything it can to influence and persuade you that you need it back. It (the ego) “thinks” it’s protecting you. When in all reality, it’s holding you back in life.
* If your days, weeks and years become overly comfortable it’s time to start asking some hard questions. What are you hiding from?
Reflection Questions:
What am I most comfortable with right now in my life? What’s my ‘comfy seat’?
What are one or two things that you strongly identify with? Meaning you feel it’s “yours” or part of you? This could be things such as: cars, home, land, wife, girlfriend, career, business etc…
Why do you identify with this so deeply?
Is this really WHO you are? Would you be different (at your essences) if this/they were gone?
What are your thoughts when you think about this comfy seat (or what you identify with) being burnt to the ground, never to be sat in again? Imagine your life without it. What are you thoughts?
Why do you have those thoughts?
Are those thoughts serving you? Positively or negatively?
Have you ever had the known, the familiar, the comfy seat taken from you before? Only to do everything you can to get it back?
What are you really afraid of? What is it about the unknown that frightens you?
What if an entirely new world awaits?
Think of the last time you ever walked into the unknown, or said ‘yes’ to something that was unknown or unfamiliar to you at the time. How did that turn out?
