In my last post I gave you some background so you could get an understanding as to who I was, and the mindset I had. With that you’ll understand why this first “MAJOR” decision was just that for me, major!
Graduation day came. Now it’s time to find a ‘job’. Surprisingly, I apply for positions throughout the United States. I am certain that was my inner self, my real essence and heart at work. But inevitably I let my mind take over. You see the mind is calculated, it doesn’t like risk, it doesn’t like the unknown, it doesn’t like the new. But the heart, well that’s what will guide us to our purpose and into the unknown, the new and the “darkness”.
Like I said, I allowed my mind to take control. My heart wanted to adventure, to explore to discover to create but my mind wanted to remain where it was, the comfy and the known….and subconsciously please my parents.
I was called in for an in-person interview for a position in Connecticut, but never went.
I applied for a position in California and I remember the day I received the call from the upscale gym in California, I looked at the number calling on my phone, let it go to the voicemail and never returned their call.
Then I received the call from a job that would take me just 1.5hrs from where I grew up.
What did I do?? Of course! I jumped at the offer and scheduled an interview. This made sense to me! My “mind” loved this option and offer. This wasn’t so bad. “I” could handle this and of course, I had some old friends that lived in the area…For my ‘mind’ this wasn’t that bad of a risk, nor too far outside my comfort zone, so it allowed me to make the decision.
I was offered the position, but there was a little loop. I was offered a position at one of their other studios, where I would be able to start immediately and with higher pay. The job would be in Delafield, Wisconsin.
Delafield?!
Where in the hell is Delafield I asked myself. Turns out this location was approximately 4 hrs from where I grew up, but I knew nothing about it or anyone other than one college football teammate.
The choice was mine. I could take the position 1.5hrs away (somewhat known) or the job that was 4hrs away (completely unknown). I contemplated this decision for quite some. What do you think I did?
Wrong!
I went with my gut, for once!
I chose Delafield, WI.
I found the one person that I knew and moved into his basement, while I looked for a place to live.
I became miserable. All of my comforts had been swiped right away from me. It was the first time that I felt like I had “left home”. I could no longer just hop in my car and go home or see familiar faces.
I remember literally breaking down daily and wondering what in the world I had gotten myself into. Why had I made this decision? I hated everything about being here. I was alone, lost, confused and broken.
I was literally a second away from making the decision to request a transfer to the location that would put me back in the comforts of the known. But something prevented me from doing so, I have no idea what that was. Maybe it was on the promise that it was just a temporary thing and I’d soon be moving on.
I am forever grateful for that decision. The first “major” decision I made that directed me into the unknown and the darkness. The first time I followed my gut instinct and direction of my heart.
And I’m forever grateful that I did not conspire to my “mind” and its intense desire to quickly run back into the comfy seats of the known and the light.
Let that be a lesson.
When faced with a decision, what’s that internal feeling you have when you “see” your decision, not your thought. Remember, the thoughts are from the calculated and analytical mind.
That feeling is your heart and intuition speaking to you. But just as quickly your mind will take the reins and start calculating and you’ll start “thinking”. Thoughts will race through your head and you’ll begin the “what if”, “yeah but” game. And all of those ‘what it’ projections tend to be negative.
What if I don’t like it?
What if I don’t make as much money?
What if I got bankrupt?
The negative what if projections and the “yeah buts…” are endless.
Can you stop this game, I don’t believe you entirely can, but what you can do is have the awareness and presence to observe these thoughts of the mind. And in doing so, you’ve empowered yourself!
It’s also important to recognize and understand that once you’ve made the decision to follow your gut and heart you’ll be hit with extreme uncertainty and second guessing. This is the test of the universe. And it’s your calculated and conditioned mind trying to take back control and direct you back to what it thinks is in the best interest of you, the known, the light. It will fight like hell to keep you in the comforts of the familiar and the known. It will do everything in its power to keep you from stretching to far outside your comfort zone. Be aware of this dilemma. Because presence and awareness = power!
Observe this and defeat this urge and you’ll have enter a path I call: “The Break Free Journey”.
Do that, and you’re on your way to experience an entirely new you and life.
Step into the unknown, the darkness, because that's where growth happens. That's where every cell in your body comes alive!
Reflection Questions:
When I think back to what I consider a “major” decision, what were my thoughts during the decision making process? List them out. Let them flow to you and be honest!
Did I follow my gut/intuition/hear (take the unknown path)? Or did I let my mind talk over, start calculating and take the “safe” route (the more known and familiar)?
If you followed your gut/heart, how did you feel once you made the decision and the period following the decision? What were the thoughts going through your head, how did you feel, what were your actions, what were your emotions?
At this present day, how do you look at that decision? Are you grateful? Has it added value into your life? Has it allowed you to discover things? Did it lead to new opportunities and/or adventures?
How can I apply this new found awareness to any future decisions that may come about?
What’s a decision I currently can make to continue my progression down the path to break free?
What’s surprising right now is that as I’m writing this I’m getting even more clarity. I’m starting to witness how my heart and intuition was always trying to guide me and screaming at the top of its lungs!! For the longest time I never looked at it like that, but I do at this moment. Dang!
I hope this story and reflection questions find you well and maybe you've been able to come away with some new found clarity and confidence when it comes to making that next “major” decision. Remember, with presence and awareness you can intentionally follow your heart and intuition.
If you’d like to learn how to become even more empowered to overcome fears, doubts, insecurities and generate that clarity you may seek, I invite you to learn more about Kingsman Academy.
Next, I will take you down my 2nd major decision and when I decided to “bet” on myself. You think I would have learned from this experience, but like I said, I was still ‘unconscious’ and a slave to my unconsciously directed mind, thoughts and beliefs.
Brian Larson
Creator - Kingsman Academy