There I was, driving at a speed of 84mph down I76 West as I came over a slight crest to the view of the snow capped rockies in Colorado. I’ve never experienced this before, but I was suddenly overcome with emotion and broke down. I remember thinking to myself, “What in the hell is wrong with you!?” The scene looked like that of a college football player hearing his name called during the draft. The camera shows him drowned with emotion. I never really understood how someone could just break down in a moments notice like that, with no “lead” up. Well, it all become clear that very moment where I came over the crest and saw the rockies.
"The moment"
It’s not the announcement of his name, as he’s being drafted by an NFL team, that elicits the emotion. And It wasn’t the sight of the rockies that elicited my emotion. It was the journey to that exact moment. It was the struggle, the hardship, the pain, the grind, the trials, the tribulations and the growth along the way towards something that matters deeply to you, which elicits the emotion, in that very specific moment, without notice.
Although many will say, “My gosh Brian, you weren’t drafted by an NFL team, what do you have to be so worked up about?” Again, it’s not the actual achievement that matters. What matters is how much this accomplishment really meant to the person and the “distance” they have traveled along the way.
It was January 20th, 2016 - a Wednesday - when I closed down my computer and said, “I’m going.” I left the coffee shop, jumped into my car and headed out for the 14 hour drive to Denver, from Wisconsin. I was going to look at places to live. I hear you, “Ok. Big deal, Brian.”
Passing through York, Nebraska on my way to Colorado. I grew up in York, Wisconsin..So I find it necessary to take this goofy pic each time through!
Well. It was.
Just 3 years and two months prior, my world turned upside down or at least that’s how I felt about it. That’s the story I was building in my mind. A 6 year relationship came to an immediate end on a Sunday afternoon, which then projected me onto a personal growth journey. But before that journey started I went through a period of major darkness (You can read about my “Rock Bottom” HERE). The vision I had for my life was stripped away and everything I had done up to that point was put into question. I felt as if everything was gone. I found myself, “alone”, in a 1 bedroom apartment in the tiny town of Ixonia, Wisconsin. I felt completely trapped, as if I had pigeon holed myself into a life and lifestyle that I was unsure about and no longer wanted, now that I was alone.
I had no vision. I had no hope. I could see no purpose for continuing. I could not see my way out of the darkness. I wanted to flee. About 8 years prior to this I rode my Harley into Colorado and during first sight of the rockies I found myself saying, “I want to live here.” So naturally during a dark moment this is where I wanted to flee. Thinking I could just run away from the pain and darkness. However, during that time my income was dependent on my physical presence and I was unwilling and too timid, to take the risk of leaving it all just to relocate. So I stacked this dream and idea away. But it kept festering in my head. It remained. I kept feeling this pull.
The rockies.
It was about 9 months after the breakup when I received a random Facebook message, completely out of the blue. Ironically, it was the very day that I had returned from an annual Harley trip out west. That year we went to Colorado and came back through Denver. This Facebook message was in the form of an opportunity being presented to me. The moment I finished reading it I immediately felt it within my gut, I wanted to say “YES!.” But I started to analyze and think. I let my analytical mind override my initial gut feeling and the answer from my heart. Nine months went by and I finally said, “Yes” to this opportunity. Since taking advantage of this opportunity I’ve made some major and bold decisions along the way, all in order to direct me down a particular path. A path of freedom. A path to that vision, that idea and that dream.
So that moment as I was cruising down I76 and come over the crest to see the snow capped rockies, it wasn’t the sight of the rockies. It wasn’t being on my way to Denver that caused the emotional breakdown. It was the vision of the Brian in a one bedroom, feeling as if his life was gone, completely alone, broken and unable to see a future. Unable to see the life he wanted. Unable to see any sort of light in the future. The Brian that wanted to make a bold move but could not see how he could make it possible. The Brian that wanted freedom so badly, but could not see how he would achieve such. Then I saw the journey. The journey from that dark moment to this very moment as came over the crest to see the rockies. I saw the struggle, the pain and the grind. I saw the breakthroughs. I saw the growth. I saw the man I had become since those moments in the dark, one bedroom apartment in Ixonia. The vision that I once couldn’t see. The purpose that I once couldn’t see. The life I had no hope for, was finally there, in that moment.
That moment and feeling of, “I’ve done it.” That’s what caused the breakdown and euphoric feeling with. The same feeling and moment that a NFL draftee has, “I’ve done it.”
In that moment I took the time to look back on the journey and I could clearly see how the dots connected. I could clearly see why opportunities were presented to me. I could see why certain people came into my life. I could see why certain people left my life. I could see why the darkness came into my life. I could see why the struggle and the hardship was brought forth. I could see the purpose for even the most “minor” interactions with people or experiences along the way.
Everything served a very specific purpose. Everything was leading me down a very specific path. And while flying down I76 West it all hit me. The path was clear. I was right where I was suppose to be. I’m “driving” down the correct road.
I believe this is one of the greatest lessons of life. The real understanding and genuine faith that everything in your life and everyone that comes into your life and leaves your life serves a very specific purpose. We may not understand or see it at the present time, but the faith that one day we will, can make the difference between a life of bliss and the life of misery, struggle and disappointment.
What may be even more important is understanding that as we enter some of the darkest times of our lives, it serves a very specific purpose as well. I firmly believe that in a way, it’s the Universe, the Devine, the Tao, God (whichever you prefer) redirecting us, as we’ve become out of alignment with our true purpose, our true mission and our true path. As we’ve ignored its’ signs along the way, its’ the way to forcefully course correct our lives. My darkest moment was the greatest moment of my life and the most defining moment of my life. It was a complete course correct and projected me down a path that was 10x more grand than I could have ever envisioned at that time.
It’s in those moments of darkness, or moments we lack faith or hope, that we must take the time to step back and ask, “Where am I being directed?” It’s the biggest “sign” that could be presented to us saying, “You’re on the wrong path. You’re going down the wrong road. It’s time to course correct.” In this moment. In this darkness. In the uncertainty. In the moments of little faith. Just let it be. But keep your “eyes” open.
Find your path
As our course is being redirected and as we’re being projected down a new road, we must remain conscious, alert and open. Open to receiving. What I mean by this is open to receiving what we are being presented to propel us down the correct path. This may come in the form of people, interactions, opportunities or challenges.
Remember when I said I received a “random” Facebook message one day? It wasn’t random. It was an offering. An offering for the life I was praying for and desiring. A, “Here you go kid.” I couldn’t see it then, but I was no where near as open as I am today. Today, I am 10x more aware and open to the signs and the meanings that people and experiences serve.
There’s the question. How many opportunities or signs do we remain closed to? I could have just as easily ignored the opportunity that was presented to me, I actually did for 9 months. Had I kept ignoring the offering, there’s no doubt that eventually I would have been given another opportunity to entire the correct path. We are consistently presented with opportunities and moments to correct our course. We’re always being pulled towards the light, we simply must be open to it and choose to see it. How long we stay in those moments of darkness is a choice. The opportunities to step towards the light is there. We must make our desires, our dreams and visions known and the universe (God, Tao, The Devine) WILL conspire in your favor. We simply have to remain open, see, and then act.
Again, this may come in the form of a simply interaction with a stranger one day. It was something they said that seemed to “hit home” for you. Where you leave and you feel the imprint that small word or interaction left on you. It could come in the form of a new friendship, relationship, the guy you sit next to on the plane. A “random” email or Facebook message. A sign that just seems to “pop” out to you on your commute to work one day. The “randomness” of continually running into this one person - it all serves a purpose. But will you see it? Will you remain open to it? That’s a choice and a choice that nobody else can make but you. The sad fact is, that many do remain blind to these occurrences, messages and opportunities. Blindly spinning through life, just to get by and then the end comes where they find themselves saying, “Why didn’t I ______. I should have _____. I never _______. I can see it now…….”
I know if you look back at some defining moments in your life, you can “see it.” You can see why that person came into your life. You can see why that person left your life. You can see why you had that conversation with a stranger or the friend you had for just a few weeks. You can see why you were fired. You can see why you lost it all.
Use that going forward. Know difficult times will come once again. The difference this time will be that you know it’s serving a very specific purpose. During this time it’s even more critical to stay open, see the opportunities being presented and act with faith. Take the road you’re being directed towards, because it will turn out 10x more grand than you could envision in that present moment.
Let me end with another personal experience with this. I talked about how the move to Denver was a dream and something that was consistently on my mind, like a pull. But I still analyzed, thought and calculated it all. I’d pray and ask each night, “Just direct me towards the right choice. Should I stay around here (Wisconsin, MN) or is Denver where I’m meant to be?” Days following these questions, I’d have multiple interactions with strangers which led to them somehow mentioning Denver or they lived their themselves or knew of someone who did, and absolutely loved it. Then the Tuesday before I left (when I was really asking for a clear sign) I went to my Crossfit class (a gym I had just joined) and ended up partnering with a “random” guy for the workout. He had lived in Denver for 10 years, right in the area I was looking at. He went on to tell me how amazing it was, how he wished he could move back etc…..
The gym I will be joining immediately. While visiting I stopped in....amazing people!
There it was. Another “random” occurrence. But this time I was open and I clearly saw the purpose, immediately.
That next day I packed my car and headed out to Denver. During my visit I met some incredible people, felt completely at home, welcomed and a feeling deep within of, “Brian, you are right where you are suppose to be, at this time, in this moment. Brian, you’re in the moment and place we’ve been directing you down.”
I saw, I listened, and then I acted. I immediately signed on a lease. Today, I leave to make Denver my permanent residence and begin a new chapter in my life. New experiences. New adventure. New opportunities. And another life defining decision. A decision that, one day, I’ll look back and say, “That was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.”
Packed and ready for a new chapter in life.
Where will I be led now? Who will come into my life now? What struggles will I encounter now? What obstacles will come my way? What opportunities will be presented to me now?
I will see. And I know they will all serve a very specific purpose. It’s my wish that you will as well. Where are you being led? What opportunities have been presented to you? Have you been blind to an offering? Who came into your life? Who has left your life? What struggles have came your way? What’s the purpose for them all???
It’s all there for a reason. See it. Be open and then act.
Because everything and everyone comes into your life and leaves your life perfectly, on time.
***I ask one thing of you***
If you know of someone that’s maybe going through a difficult time in their life or struggling to see the light that lies ahead…I ask that you share this article and story with them or if you can see the value in the message, please share away. I’ve been there. I’ve been in that place where all you see is darkness. You see no hope. You have no vision. You can’t see things turning around. You can’t see your purpose for even existing. Where you’re overcome by thoughts and the negative stories that you continue to play over and over again in your head, which you feel you have no control over. It’s my hope and intent that maybe this personal story and message could bring forth a glimmer of light into their life and begin a journey that will, one day, lead to “that moment.” Where they too, are struck with the uncontrollable emotion and euphoria of,
“I’ve done it. I can see it all now.”